hi thank you so much for your comment, i totally agree that it would be great if we could talk to each other in a way that enables both parties to take feedback and have their needs met. it is really hard in practice. my parents also did not have the tools that many of us do today -- access to psych resources, advances in neuroscience, etc.

i think that you are referring in your comment to Adaptive Regression In the Service of the Ego (ARISE), Leopold Bellak's work. i am not from the psychoanalytic field but i think that my parents were playful in the use of this concept--if this seems like a regression, it seemed to have been for a good cause in their nearly 40-year union.

i would love to have your advice on other approaches!